For the last time
by orange crush3
Summary: When Ellie takes drastic measures to solve her problems, the rest of Degrassi is thrown into a haze. COMPLETE
1. Default Chapter

I look around at the bathroom. So white, so perfect. The only room in the house that shows no signs of a broken family. My bedroom is black, with my tools lined up and my steel-toed combat boots on the ground. The living room, with my mom passed out on the floor. The whole is place dusty and grimy. Except for the bathroom, I was nine when we redid it. It used to be blue. Mom told Dad she wanted white, you see. So pure, so clean, so innocent. 

That was before they started drinking, before he was killed in the war. Before I started blaming myself. Before I was best friends with razors and broken glass from her vodka bottles. 

Before, at school, Paige found out. Before Marco and Ashley both found their true loves, before I started failing. 

Before Miss Suave told me I should tell my mom to sign me up for counseling with a professional, which she never did. 

But that's OK. Oh yes, I will be OK. They'll miss me, but not as much as I missed them.

I turn to the bathtub and start the water. This will all be over soon. Maybe if I'm lucky this will hurt, and I'll scream. Maybe they'll all come running, and say, "Ellie, oh Ellie, how could you? We love you!" and hug me. 

Or maybe _she'll_ come in. Paige did say she'd be by some time this week, just to check on me. I already told her to tell Caitlin that I quit my job.

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To my friend Ashley Kerwin, I leave my notebooks and journals. 

To my friend Marco Del Rossi, I leave my posters and wall decorations.

To Paige Michelchuck, I grant a brief reading of my journals.

To my mother, Eleanor Elizabeth Nash the first, I leave my money.

For Ashley and Marco, I leave my CD's. 

Please sell the rest of my things, and give the money to charity.

The bathtub is almost full. I stop the water, take off my sweater, and get in. I'm only wearing a black tank top and a plaid skirt and fishnet tights, exposing my cuts and scars from me and bruises from _him_, to the world. I wonder who will find me. Inhaling deeply, I grip my razor. I slide the blade along all of my old cuts, wincing slightly at the pain. It'll all be over soon. I lift my shirt, cutting open the skin along my waistline, and above. I losing control now, loving and wanting the blood. The water is turning red from the blood. The world is flipping over and around, like the colours in a fun house. 

The world starts to spin. I cry out, for joy and love and my family. I smile for my future. I sob, because I am now leaving. 

And I see the white, the purity, of my bathroom, as I sink into the water. For the last time. 


	2. A letter for you

Hey!! it's me again, I just want to say that I just started watching this show this season. I don't know what the beginning of Ellie and Ashley's friendship was like, so don't kill me if something's not right. 

This, and continuing chapters, will basically be other characters' reactions to Ellie's death.

Please Read and Review, I only have 2 reviews so far! 

Ellie;

When we first really got close you told me everything. Even the things I didn't want to know like what kind of hair dye you mom used, or what kind of wood was at the store you went to on the weekend. I told you _almost _everything, but didn't try to bore you. I wish you had always told me everything, from when your mom drank and even how you felt when Marco came out. I wish I would have been there.

Ellie, for some strange reason I'm so mad at you. You sent all of us into shock. I couldn't believe it. 

Paige had just called me. I didn't know why, but she explained hurriedly explained that we needed to go see you. She told me later she was talking to Miss Suave that afternoon, and you weren't improving. Paige decided to tell me about your cutting. 

So I'm walking to your house with Paige, and suddenly she started to cry. It was so weird; she said that something bad had just happened. She didn't know what it was, but it made her sad all the same. 

Oh, Ellie. We rang the doorbell and knocked but nobody answered. So we walked right in. We were both calling your name, and we heard a moan from the bathroom. Rushing, we saw you, Ellie. You said my name. "Ash," you whispered. Then suddenly you were under, and your hair was floating around. Paige was sobbing, and suddenly it hit me. 

You had killed yourself. 

Why, Ellie? Why? Was it nothing that could have been prevented? I know your dad was dead and your mom was hardly home, but we were always there for you. You should have told us.

Oh, god. We both stood there, hugging each other and crying. Then we saw the note. It was more like a will, actually. 

You left me YOUR NOTEBOOKS AND JOURNALS. You took your life but left with me a memory, and some notebooks. What the hell, Ellie?!? You're so selfish. Just because you're miserable doesn't mean that you had to take away yourself. Now look what you're putting us through. 

Oh, Ellie. I don't mean it. I'm just upset. I love you (of course, not in a sexual way) and I miss you. 

I don't know what I'm going to do. I want to see you, and hug you. I want to go back in time and pull you out of the bathtub. We could have saved you, right? How could have I just let you lay there, bleeding? 

I'm a miserable person. No wonder you didn't want to spend time with me.

Yours Sincerely, 

Ashley Kerwin 


	3. Saddness

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Before I begin writing third chapter, I just want to clear a few things up. Now that I've had any questions from reviews, I just sort of feel obligated to tell this to people. I know this will probably sound tacky coming from me, a trying-to-recover-but-with-no-luck cutter, but suicide is not the best answer. If you're so low that you have to kill yourself, then you have to go up, not down.

Also, if I finish this the right way, I will do a story describing what events happened before this, what lead up to Ellie's suicide. I may, though, just describe in letters what happened. 

When you review, which you of course you will, please specify which would be more effective, telling things from Ellie's POV, how messed up she is, or all her friends together trying to come up with a solution. I may do both; starting with Ellie's and then moving on to write the letters. 

Enough of that, on with the story. 

******** ***************** *************** **************

Eleanor Elizabeth Nash, more commonly known as Ellie, passed away. 

When they told me I stopped breathing. Ellie, I cried for you. Ellie, I couldn't eat I couldn't sleep I couldn't breathe. I couldn't go on. But I had to. I don't know what I'm going to do without you every day, with your black for me to tease. I'd always criticize you on your outfits and you'd always tell me to join Queer Eye. That's still my favourite show, I loved how you would join Dylan and I and ohh and ahh over Carson and the other guys.

Ellie, I miss you. Every second of every day. I can hardly get through class with starting to write notes to you, and then realizing you're not there, it almost breaks my heart. I'm so sorry this had to happen. I'm sorry there was no way out for you. 

They've hired a set of grief counselors to help us talk about you, but I talk to Miss Suave. She's also helped me a lot with some issues that I've had, particularly regarding Dylan and I, and I know you were talking to her. She's told me a lot of stuff you said, even though we all know she's not supposed to. She says this is the first time she's done something like this, talked to kids about. suicide. 

Aww, I feel so bad. All this time I had a great time with Dylan and told you all about it, and I thought you were happy too. It's been so long since I actually cried. Ell, you almost want me to feel like giving up as well. Now I know what it feels like to have loved and lost somebody. I miss you. Please excuse the smudging of the ink; Mom and I are both crying. 

She misses you too. She says that, without you, I wouldn't' have had the courage to come out. You helped me so so so much this past year, I wish you were still here and I could help you, dry your tears.

At your funereal, they played all your favourite songs. Dylan, Paige, Ashley, Craig, Manny, Emma, Terry, Jimmy, Miss Suave, Spinner, Sean (even though I knew you wouldn't want him there! He came anyway, that little fucker.). We were all there. We had an assembly at school for you, it took up most of your morning classes. We spent our morning, mourning. 

Ell, you've messed up all of us.

Oh, and I'm sure you've already heard. But if you haven't, well, I don't want to be the one to tell you, but your mother killed herself. I'm sorry. She said nothing was worth it anymore. 

On the brighter side, Manny and Craig are going to name their baby (if it's a girl) after you. We can have another Ellie, not that we'd be replacing you! How could we!! 

You're immortal to me. I'm permanently in debt to you. Wipe away my tears, make everything OK. 

Love you, 

Marco Del Rossi 


	4. fake smile

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Yes! I love you, reviewers. Just a quick thanks to Starlighteyez, PsychoJo, Alexia, x Confused Girl x, musikchik (twice!), quiet110, Dark Gothic Rouge, and kelsey-joy. I love opening my email and seeing the famous bot@fanfiction.net , so keep on reviewing!!

Ok, this one is going to be the hardest one yet. This one isn't written in the style of a letter "to" Ellie, this is a diary entry. OK? Ok. 

I hate her. I hate her, I hate her, I hate her. She lied to me. I hate it when people lie to me. And all I wanted to do was help her, make her happy. 

I didn't actually want to be her savior, but someone had to do it. And since I was there, I figured I could do it just as well as her best friends could. I mean, I got though what happened last year. I'm OK now. Sean's parents drink as well, he's OK. I've talked to people. I know how their minds work. It's not like I had never been through a tragedy before. She claimed the most I could to was paint her nails black and leave me alone, but I tried. 

I think I tried too hard. Dylan always tells me I give an impression of being fake. I don't try to be fake; I try to look on the bright side of things and be there for people in times of need. I guess, though, all she needed was space. 

It was my fault. I was giving the impression to everyone, in school, that I still hated her. Spin and I made jokes about the Vampire wearing long sleeves and no cape. She wasn't like Manny, who could pull though and convince her parents to let her have the baby. She couldn't convince her mom to stop drinking. 

2004, what a tragic year for the Nashes. Paul, her father, moved to be a peace keeper and got killed. Ellie was totally stressed and killed herself, and her mom, ordered to stop drinking by her doctor, lost her whole family, and lived though it, lost hope and decided to take the route Ell did. 

Off topic, moving on. I think what I've learned most though this is that the most I can do is offer a helping hand to people. I tried to change her, rotate her 180 degrees and make her the happy girl she was at first, but that isn't going to work.

Wasn't going to work. It's too late now. Too late!! And it's all my fault. All my fault, all my fault. 

I see it in my nightmares, cry with Ash in my dreams. This is definitely a year I am going to remember, maybe not all for good things. 

Well, Spin just called and we're going to a movie with Marco and Dylan, so I better go do my hair and pretend to smile.

Love, 

*~*Paige*~*

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OK! Now, it's your turn to review. And answer this:

In chapter one, Ellie mentions "bruises from him_." _

(also remember this: I'm writing a story that takes place before this, and almost all the chapters will be Ellie's journal entries)

Anyway! Should I explain that part in the next letter, put it into Ellie's journal, or put it into both? Need answer review soon!

Thanks a lot, 

rhian 


	5. I remember you

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Wow, this is my second chapter in.2 days! Yes! 

PsYcHoJo- I LOVE you! You're right, they are both kinds, and I was sorta thinking of that too. Great minds think alike!

AR- Yeah, I guess she is. Although not everybody copes with things the same way. Give your

Fizza65- That BETTER be a compliment! I should sure hope it'd be better than you would expect. I think.

OK. On with the story, even though I should probably be working on my book report!

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Ellie-

Remember how we used to go to The Dot? We'd get these never-ending Mountain Dews and expensive desserts, and just sit there and talk for hours. I went to the Dot again today on my own, and sat in our booth. I just sat there and thought about you. After a while I called Ash and got her to come down, we sat there and talked about you.

The Triple-fudge brownie sundae. How I remember it. We used to look at that picture and talk about how much we wanted it. Remember when we made that pact? The very last time we came here, we would get one, each. 

You got one, last time you were here. I asked you if you remembered. You shrugged it off and said that it was a stupid pact anyway. I asked you what was wrong. 

You said it was just your mom, that you were just a bit stressed out. I asked you why you were getting one, and you told me you wouldn't die. But you did. 

I should have realized. 

Remember when we went shopping together? We were both so innocent, it seemed. We got bubble gum ice cream. I can remember that day like it was yesterday. After that we went to my house and you painted your nails. We listened to music and talked. Everything was out in the open. It was like I could tell you anything. 

In a way, I sort of wish I had never met Dylan. You and I stopped going to The Dot, we stopped going to the mall. We met at the park one day. Remember that? It was after one of your tough days at school, and you said your meeting didn't make it better. I pushed you on the swings and then you went home, and told me that I had made your day.

Miss Suave and the grief counselors are checking our wrists daily to make sure none of us are heading the wrong way. What worries me, though, is that wrists, of course, are not the only places to cut. I'm almost sure everybody will be OK, because we all know how you did. 

I remember you, to haunting for me to explain. 

I'm running off the page, and running out of time. I'm only writing on the margin, only to say I miss you, I miss you, I miss you.. 

Love,

Marco

*****  


Ok, this isn't exactly what I planned to do for chapter 5 but. keep reviewing! Tell me if this chapter sucked, if you want to read more like this, whatever! There will definitely be another entry from Paige soon. This is getting harder to write, and school is sort of sucking right now. But I can almost guarantee another chapter, if not tomorrow, then the next day. __

On a brighter side, I got 7 reviews for chapter 4. Seven! That's a lot! Keep it up. 

This story will probably be between 10 and 15 chapters. After that I'll post Ellie's journal.

Until next chapter (which WILL follow my plan- I promise.) ,

Rhian


	6. That bit about death

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Everybody put your hands together for…. Chapter 6! This is the longest I've gone (ever) in a fic. So there's a personal record. On a negative (personal) note, I broke down last week and, if I hadn't, I would've beaten my 30-day goal. A bit of a disappointment, I'll get over it though. 

Moving on. 

JamiesAngel12008- Thanks a lot. Nah, not to corny, I guess everybody gets like that sometimes. 

Poppyseed- Thanks! I will definitely add something from Sean.

PsYcHoJo- I love Marco too! He's so... Marco. OK, ok, here's what you wanted. Just make sure you tell me if this is how you would've imagined it, or not, or whatever! There will be another chapter from everyone there, trust me. 

OK everybody, make sure you review this. This is taking my VERY valuable time out of doing my book report (Eurgh. I hate my english teacher!) So tell me what you think, what you love, and, most importantly, rate the following from the one you would like to see most to the one you would like to see least.

Either- 

Miss Suave Sean Ashley Paige Other- Manny, Emma, Craig, Dylan ect. 

OK on with the chapter. 

********** ************* *************

Mrs. Kwan, you wanted me to tell you why I thought it was amusing when we had the moment of silence for the Nashes. 

OK, so I wake up on Thursday morning, like normal. I have my pop tarts, like normal. I read the comics, like normal. But nothing could have surprised me more than to see The Vampire's picture on the front page of the news and my mom crying. God, she cries at everything. Apparently she killed herself. Ellie, I mean, not my mom. She drowned [herself] in her bathtub. So next thing you know, Paige is over and she looks like she's been crying. And we were never close to her. 

I wouldn't consider this a major thing, something that people would be upset about. But seriously, who cares that much to devote a whole hour of my valuable gym class time to her? And all the girls and teachers were crying. Marco too. I'm biting my tongue to not cough, 'FAG', as I write this, cause Marco is such one. 

Not that I dislike him for it, it just got a little creepy when he had that thing for me. And I'm like, not into him.

Paige cried too. We went to Ellie's funereal. It was long and kinda boring, and the most exciting part, seeing the corpse in the casket, was gone. It was closed.

I hate this bit about death, where you have to be sad. I remember when my great aunt died. Mom cried for ages. I hate when people leave. I hate thinking that Paige will be upset that I'm not upset about this.

That, instead of sports after school, we have to talk to somebody about how we feel. And I really don't care, you know? It's not like I was really close to her or anything. I don't want to cry. I don't want anyone to know I'm upset. But I'm not, so it doesn't matter anymore. 

Well. That settles it then. I hate that upset but about death. And Ellie didn't mean a lot to me, so why pretend?

I hope this sort of helps you get into my brain and sort of, like, understand why I wasn't upset when everybody else was.

Spinner / Gavin 


	7. Happy valentine's day

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Hey, it's me. Again. Friday nights = alone at home, and, because this won't be up on ff.net until Saturday, valentines day, I'll give you this chapter. 

PhYcHoJo- Just because you have, like, 130 reviews DOESN'T mean you have brag about it. ("People seem to like it") Mind you, you also have 10 chapters, but I only have, like, 30 and I'm at 7. That would be cool to get a hundred reviews in 3 chapters. Not happening! I'm so jealous! I need a Sean!

Thanks for all the suggestions, I can tell you some of it is coming. I like hearing from you, and Numb gave me some… let's call them brain waves.

If I have Ellie and Sean and Craig and especially Marco, who cares if I don't live in the real world? 

Whew moving on!

**OFFICIAL publicity- go read Numb by PsYcHoJo. I love it.**

Poppyseed- Thanks. I'm back down to… three. I just got some really good news today, so hopefully that'll keep me up for a while. Keep your fingers crossed. I guess that is what really drew me to Ellie. 

Spinner didn't really strike me as an emotional person- more hating/bitter being upset. In the part where he's telling Craig to not be so happy and relaxed about Manny being pregnant, he sounds so…bitter. Like he wishes he could love somebody like Craig loved the thought of having a family. Not to say that he doesn't love Paige, of course.

But if you read really carefully, I do make a mention that he does care about Ellie. (Feel free to go back and look)

OK, you're back? Continue reading then. 

OK! That's enough author's notes for now, I think I'll write my assignments for you at the end so nobody forgets. 

********** ***************

Hey Ell.

Happy valentines day, I guess. This is where we are now. This is the day that I send you roses and you blush, and we act like a normal teenage couple. Except I'm taking flowers to your grave and regretting everything that we ever did together. I wish we had never met. I wish I hadn't been with Suave while you were there, and I especially wish she had never introduced us.

I guess you could say we were put together by circumstance. I hated what you did to yourself. You hated how I turned to beer. You hated my friends and I hated yours. You had one way of dealing with things, and I had mine. 

I wish it had been better in the end. I guess neither the whole "If I don't cut today you won't drink today" and the "If I don't drink today you won't cut", never really worked. I would come to your house completely smashed, and you would be sitting there with your razor.

You said I reminded you of your mother when you drank, and in the next breath you would say that you hated your mother. 

You would say that you loved me, then kick me out of your house and call Tracker. 

And I guess I never did the right thing.

I guess I was never good enough.

I'll put flowers on your grave.

Happy Valentine's day.

Love,

Sean

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****

OK! How was that? Hopefully not horrible. It was shorter than all of the other chapters, but I figure Sean isn't much of an emotional writer now, is he. 

So, review, like always. Tell me what thought if this. I love to read long reviews, make comments, write whatever. I'm always open to reading other people's stories, as long as they involve Ellie. I find her a very interesting character who people develop different ways. I'm beginning to think the girl who plays her isn't a very good actress, because she's not in very much, even though she always has the best clothes. Did you see her dress in Accidents will happen?? The yellow and black checkered one? I saw tights like that I wanted. __

Wow, I'm off topic!

Have a happy Valentines Day! And always remember kiddies; tell me who you want next. And review! Bot@fanfiction.net_ really does something for my day!_

Till next time,

Rhian


	8. Forget about it

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Greetings, it is I. It seems like most of you didn't get a chance to read/review chapter 7, so go back, read it, review it (most important step!) and come back. 

Fizza-65- thanks, even though this was not supposed to be an aww-inducing chapter, I thank you. 

AutoXgirl- haha, it's OK, I'm already seeing somebody. 

Shifty Tiffy- Yes, there will be a Manny chapter. Not sure about Emma though, they seemed to be opposites of the spectrum. Maybe, though, maybe… we'll see how this turns out. 

PsYcHoJo- Of course you can't let it go. I love it. That was just a sketch about how they felt about each other, obviously what Ellie has to say will be different…. I'm developing ideas for her journal already (bad idea considering this one isn't done yet!) so that should be out…soon. I think I'm gonna end this one at 15 chapters, it will mean a lot more if I don't drag everything out… 

I, too, love how they portray Ellie, but even the way she dealt with her cutting (Paige interrupting) made me think the producers and them are not going to develop her. Which totally sucks, I find her a ton more interesting than Ashley moaning about Craig and Paige having a crush on her driving instructor… 

OK… moving on. Since I haven't given you an Ashley chapter since chapter 2, here's one. 

*** *** *** ***

This sucks. Literally s-u-c-k-s. I lost my best friend to herself, and my boyfriend cheated on me. Not only that, he got another girl pregnant! And she's going to have the baby! I feel like screaming. And you know what the worst part is? They're naming the baby after her. 

I can't take this anymore. I want to just forget about it, and make everything back to normal, but sometimes what you want most isn't what you get. I'm awake all night because I can't sleep. I'm never hungry. I can't function properly, and it's all her fault. 

I can't help but think of Sean when I think of Ellie. I think that maybe she turned to him because of her lack of other friends. Although everybody knows that he's the one who's been stealing everything that's gone missing. He could have been a horrible influence on him. They should have been awful influences on each other. But it seems like even he's shocked, surprised, and, most of all, upset, just like everybody. He can be seen around the school muttering about how much he misses her. 

One day we sat with him at lunch. It was just Sean Marco, Paige, and me. We sat and talked about her, and at one point looked at her spot and went, "Ell- I mean, Hello! How about letting me into the conversation!" He turned bright red after that and didn't want to talk anymore. I can't say I blame him. 

The times I feel at most peaceful are when I'm listening to music. Ellie's CDs are really great. I feel so horrible but understand so much when I read Ellie's journals and notebooks. It's so sweet, there's so much about Sean in them….but at the same time stuff about me and how self-absorbed I am. Marco, she feels, had a justified reason for not paying attention to her, of course Dylan would be justified. I just looked back at that sentence. She feels, it should be "she felt". She felt! My friend is a was. A has-been, a thing of the past. My god I feel stuck here. Like I'm in a box. 

Well, I'm going out of my mind. Be back soon.

Ashley 


	9. We're all still here

Hey, I'm so sorry you've had to wait SO long for this chapter. I imagine you will all be dying soon of lack of this story. Look for a new story by me called "Yours sincerely, Ellie Nash". That will be her journal that I've promised you since, like, chapter 2 or 3. 

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Deadly-Secret- nope, seems like you've got the wrong person.

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PsYcHoJo- Wow. This is the shortest review I've ever gotten from you! Well, this is what you get for not putting down who you wanted… hope it's OK! Yeah go us replying in our review responses!

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JamiesAngel2008- This makes you sad to read this? This even makes me sad writing this. 

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Poppyseed- Well, I suppose we're even because I just started watching at season three. (my sister, who's a model, was an extra, so we decided to watch it) So I haven't seen the old episodes, and you haven't seen the new ones…. When do you get to see the new ones?

******** *********** *******

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Ellie Nash, 10th grader. Friend referred her after seeing blood on shirt and forcing her to show her, her arm. Was cutting herself. Dad died in war, mom was an alcoholic. Works at Caitlin Ryan's TV show as a co-op. Committed suicide. Two friends found her lying, bleeding, drowned in her bathtub. Overall the school suffered a traumatic loss. 

As a professional, I find Ellie's case nothing out of the ordinary. Not to say that S-I and suicide are typical things, but with an alcoholic mother and nobody to really call a parent, and what with stressing out for school and to remain working at her co-op job, I can't say that's an unlikely reaction. 

When Ellie came to me the first few times, she didn't talk to me. I would ask her a question, and she would stay quiet and stare at me. After she got comfortable with me rambling on and bringing another girl in who had been in a similar situation to talk, Ellie would talk to me. But she was only really good at telling me about events instead of feelings. After I asked her to keep one, she had this journal, and could be seen everywhere with it. Scribbling everything in it. 

Paige told me she was worried about her. I guess I could understand her worry, her curiosity, but when I'd talk to Ellie she would tell me Paige was being too over-protective, that Paige was following her and demanding to see her arms. Ellie said she didn't mind having one counselor, but having Paige protect her was unreasonable. 

Ellie never told anybody that she was thinking about suicide. In her journals I know she wrote everything down. After Ashley, who was her best friend, reads them, I know I'll get too. 

When I would comment about how she didn't look very happy, she would laugh at me and say, "No kidding Suave, I slit my wrists for fun!" She had such a dry sense of humor, and nobody ever noticed. Nobody ever noticed her. I'm not saying that's the way it was, but that was the way the other students made her feel. Can you imagine walking down a hall in high school with nobody? That would be hard for even me, a faculty member. I mean, if you put it in simplest terms, Ellie really only was a little girl. A young girl, who felt lost and alone in the cow herd called high school. 

The only reason I never called in a professional psychiatrist was because she was so good at putting up her façade that she was OK. Everyone but Paige and I were able to close their eyes to her problems. And Sean. But he had enough problems of his own. Ellie and Sean were the strangest couple in Degrassi; they were so contrasting… 

Would you look at that; I've spent the whole hour writing about a girl in the past. Day 4, 2nd period, she should be in here now. We should be having a nice talk about her parents, and Sean, and her friends. But now there's Marco outside, looking like he's about to cry.

And that's when we realize that we're still here.

******* ********* ***

OK how was that for a last chapter? There will be an epilogue, and a thanks and all that good stuff. Remember to review!

-rhian 

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	10. The Epilouge

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Hey, it's me. Again. And for the last time, in "For the Last time". How ironic!

Anyway! 

PsYcHoJo- That's OK about the review, everybody writes short reviews sometimes… and yes, that was the last chapter. I'm sorry, but not too sorry; I've already written the first 2 chapters of my next story. 

And about Marco waiting versus Sean? I would think that Marco would be the one who would go to talk. Sean already goes to see miss Suave. It just so happens that Marco was there…. Yeah, Sean was affected. Doesn't everybody just love Marco? He's so adorable. My sister's friend is good friends with Adamo- the guy who plays Marco. I love them both!

JamiesAngel12008- Aww, thanks! And I know, I know, I know that it took me a million years to post that chapter- and I'm sorry. I had some * issues* I had to take care of-not a lot, but… AH! I'm talking too much. 

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Epilogue.

Ellie's suicide affected everybody in Degrassi. Manny and Craig Manning decided to go through with having their baby, and are planning to name it Eleanor (Ellie for short) if it is a girl. Sean Cameron, her boyfriend, stayed in his room for a week blasting music and refusing to believe it was real. After that, he skipped school, only coming to meet with Ellie's friends and Miss Suave. Emma Nelson tried to help Sean by coming to meetings with him, but failed. Paige Michelchuck and Ashley Kerwin meet the 16th of every month (the night Ellie died) to have a sleep-over because they couldn't bear to sleep alone. Paige's brother Dylan dedicated a column in his university newspaper to Ellie. And of course everybody who knew Ellie wondered about her best friend. Marco Del Rossi. Two days after her death, he came to the guidance counselor about suicidal feelings, had some talks with professional therapists, and is now doing his best to remember the good times with Ellie. 

************* *************

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OK. That's that. I just wanted to thank everybody that's read and reviewed this; I heart you very much. Basically, I want to thank Linkin Park, Jack off Jill, Marilyn Manson, The Who, and lots of other bands for good listening…. 

And now. A very special limited sneak preview from "Yours truly, Ellie Nash"- the companion to this story. 

OK, so I guess I should start this out with stuff about me, right? Well, I'm 15 years old, blonde, popular, and I'm a cheerleader. My boyfriend is the lead football player. My biggest problem is if my nails don't match my outfit. __

See? Did you believe me there for a second? Yeah, I thought you might. My problems go way deeper than that. But for the whole thing, I think we have to start at the beginning. Right at the beginning. I was a happy kid. I had "the cutest red hair and freckles ever." 

Then came the vodka. 

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OK, read, review, and look out for "Yours truly, Ellie Nash."


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